I do not watch The Oprah Winfrey Show. Let me repeat: I do not watch The Oprah Winfrey Show!

I’m a man, and men are not supposed to watch Oprah. However,a while back, I was made aware that Oprah would be doing a show about fathers…and so with great reluctance, I watched.

It did feel weird. I swear I could smell the fragrance of women’s perfume as I watched. I turned the volume down low, closed the blinds, and joined in with millions of other women from across the country to watch the show entitled, “The Secret Thoughts of Fathers.”

I watched as fathers who were from different backgrounds, races, social status, and beliefs shared their thoughts and concerns about being dads. As I watched these diverse men talk about fathering, I discovered one thing they all shared: they all wanted to be good dads but felt like they often failed in the task.

The more I watched, the more I identified with these dads. Then something weird happened…I began to actually feel strange emotions stir inside of me. No! I didn’t cry! Women cry while watching Oprah; men don’t. Men are supposed to laugh and poke fun at the show – which I do often. But I felt the emotions stir because I could relate. The men on the show desperately want to be good dads, but they are often overwhelmed with feelings of inadequacy. I feel the same way. I love my kids and want to bless them by being a good dad, but sometimes, I feel like I fail them.

Like most dads, my work week is full, so I’m not home a lot during the week, and sometimes even my weekends are consumed with work. One father on the program talked about this when he said, “I worry everyday that my kids are going to grow up and think that I spent time away from them because I wanted to get away.”

Ephesians 6:4 says, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children, instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” This means that we fathers have a huge responsibility. We are to oversee the training and instruction of our children, while all along making sure that the family is provided for and running smoothly. One of the dads on the program said, “[The difficulty of parenting] is a culmination of a number of things. Besides the job, besides what’s going on at home and what’s going on with the economy, I often wonder, ‘How am I going to progress my family from point A to point B to fulfill our dreams?’ Sometimes you just feel like you’re caught up in the day-to-day, and you lose sight of life.”

God has given us fathers strong shoulders for handling all of this pressure, but what I learned from watching Oprah that day was that many fathers feel like I do sometimes: tired, anxious, and overwhelmed. Another dad on the program said, “Every dad has a dream, and a lot of times you can’t pursue the dream as energetically as you want to. You have to balance pursuit of the dream with stability of the family. We have to make sure that every lily pad we step on is a firm one.” Our dreams and passions outside the home pull us in one direction, and our deep love for our wife and kids pull us in another. It’s hard striking the balance.

Another interesting aspect of the program was the way in which the wives of the men featured on the show responded to their husband’s vulnerability. Many said that they felt frustrated with their husband’s shortfalls in the home until they heard their husbands heart. One wife said, “I realized that when I complain that my husband only sees the kids for 45 minutes each morning, I see it as a short amount of unproductive time. The children see it as Dad eating breakfast with us, tying their shoes, and kissing them as they walk out the door for school. They take a positive memory from the situation that I was seeing as flawed.”

Roland Warren, president of the National Fatherhood Initiative, said, “One of the key focuses for women to understand is it’s important to focus on the what and not the how. Pick your battles, because if there are multiple ways to do [a task], but he’s doing it differently than you would have, let him do it how he’s doing it because you want him to be involved in his kid’s life.” It was encouraging to hear this, and it was equally encouraging to hear women say that they needed to lighten up a bit on their husbands, understanding that they are doing their best to love and nurture them and their children.

Roland Warren says, “One of the key things you have to do is get in your child’s world and invite them into yours. To be the father you want to be, you have to know your children.” So dad’s…do it! Look for ways to connect on a heart level with your kids. Also, understand that wives view life, marriage, and family, a bit differently from you. Listen to them, and learn from them. Keep struggling to strike a healthy balance between home and work. Pray. Seek God daily for the strength and wisdom to be the kind of dad and husband God has called you to be.

And finally, take comfort in the fact that you are not alone. Take the risk to talk about your struggles with another man. There are dads in your office, at your church, and in your neighborhood who feel just like you do. How do I know? Oprah told me so.