Keeping Kids from Leaving the Faith
- 06.23.09
- Church, Parenting, Teenagers, Kids Leaving the Faith
- 7 Comments
It’s a statistic that haunts Christian parents all across the country: 65%-85% of churched kids will walk away from the Christian faith during their early adult years.
These are kids that have grown up in the church. Anywhere from six to eight out of every ten kids in your church youth group will wander away from their Christian faith once they enter adulthood. As a parent with four teens living in my home, this is a grave concern of mine.
Britt Beemer, a former senior research analyst for the Heritage Foundation and founder of the American Research Group unveiled for the first time in a scientific fashion the startling reasons behind this statistic. His research included 20,000 phone calls and detailed surveys of 1,000 20 to 29 year olds who used to attend evangelical churches on a regular basis.
The survey found that children who faithfully attend Bible classes in their church over the years actually are more likely to question the authority of Scripture. Among the survey findings, regular participants in Sunday School are more likely to leave the church, believe that the Bible is less true, defend the legality of abortion and same-sex marriage, and defend premarital sex.
Why is this? And what can be done to combat this? A few years ago, I asked two nationally-known ministry leaders these two questions, and their answers were surprisingly simple yet incredibly profound.
I interviewed Brian McLaren, one of the foremost experts on the effects of postmodern thinking on the church. He’s the author of several books that have powerfully impacted the evangelical church over the past ten years including, Everything Must Change, A Generous Orthodoxy, and More Ready Than You Realize.
We spent considerable time talking about the troubling trend among church kids to leave the faith after they graduate from high school. When I asked him what can be done to combat this trend, he said this:
“What we need to do now is for all of us parents to do what it says in Deuteronomy. We need to learn to talk about our faith in a natural way when we’re walking along the way, and when we’re sitting in our homes.”
I didn’t expect him to say this. I expected something deeper. Something more complex. Something with at least three steps. Instead, his solution for halting the mass exodus from the Christian faith among young adults is for parents to do what Moses commanded the parents of Israel to do 5,000 years ago: Talk about the Lord when their kids wake up, as they’re going about their day, and before they go to sleep.
I also spoke with Barry Shafer about this problem. Barry is the founder of InWord Resources – a ministry he established in response to the widespread biblical illiteracy among teens. His strategy for combating the problem is much like McLaren’s: Kids MUST be saturated with the Word of God in a natural and relevant way from a young age.
However, Barry’s focus is more on helping the church (namely youth ministries) do this. His approach is to strengthen youth ministry with inductive methods, tools, and materials for personal Bible understanding and for small group settings.
Either way you slice it, both men see the centrality of Bible teaching as being essential in helping kids enter adulthood with their faith intact. Maybe the key to combating the mass exodus of churched young adults from the Christian faith is a two-front offensive: natural and relevant Bible teaching at home and in the church, with both recognizing the incredible importance of the other and with both striving to work together.
Regularly attending Sunday School and youth group is evidently not enough for at least 65%-85% of the churched kids today because that’s how many regular attenders are bailing on the Christian faith after high school. Parents need to be working just as hard as Sunday School teachers and youth leaders to effectively communicate God’s Word to their kids in natural and relevant ways.
If you’re a parent, may God grant you the strength and wisdom to play a major role in the faith training of your children, and may your kids defy the statistics when they leave home.
Dear Mike,
!
Great article! I also read some of your other blogs about fathering, etc.- all good stuff! I hope you and the “First Lady” are doing well!
-Kenyon Knapp-
I think that as teenagers graduate and start living their lives more and more independently they begin to realize their church maybe wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. And since alot of people that age associate their faith with the church they attended they perhaps really start to question what they believe, or if they believe. It’s almost like starting over in a world that seems a whole bunch more attractive than what their church offered. Who do you think is more likely to win that battle? At least in the short term. This is not neccessarily the churches fault (although I think most church fail miserably in many areas) but more blame lies with the parents not getting involved in their kids spiritual growth. They don’t want to address it in any consistant meaningful way…so they just let the church do it. And you see the results.
The Deuteronomy passage is about teaching in and from relationship. First, springing from each parents relationship with God. Fearing God. Keeping His commandments. Loving Him with all our heart, soul, and might. His commands are to be on our hearts. From that good place in our relationship with Him, we then teach our children diligently, intentionally, as we are sitting in our homes, walking by the way, when we lie down and rise up…And how can we fail to teach if we are so committed and in relationship with God? Our faith is then naturally accessed all throughout our activities because it is at the center, the core, the hub of all of life. It is then as natural to discuss our decisions in light of God and His word as it is to discuss the next weekend’s activities or the evening’s agenda. It is when we compartmentalize our faith that children see our inconsistencies. It is when we require more from them than we do from ourselves that they see our hypocrisies. It is when we fail to repent of our sins against our children that they become discouraged and provoked. It is when we are not daily committed to the hard work of reconciliation in the home and in the Church that bitterness takes root.
Parents are to study and know that answers to the meanings behind the liturgical acts in which we participate as worshipers. “When your son asks you in time to come, ‘What is the meaning of the testimonies and the statutes and the rules that the Lord our God has commanded you?’ then you are to say…” Teaching is not to be left up to the Church alone. Children from Christian families should arrive at church with hearts prepared to learn. This can begin at very young ages and take place right in the main worship service. Children from Christian families should arrive at church ready to serve, seeing themselves as integral participating members of the community of believers. This,too, can begin very young as children are instructed to be friendly, kind, reverent and generous.
Just imagine how effective, authentic, and deep our communities would be if we were to truly explore the depth of the Deuteronomy passage. Just imagine how deep and how wide we could reach and how enabled our elders would be to teach if we came from the place in which Deuteronomy instructs us to live. Just imagine how far our church could reach into the lives of the lost ,the poor, and the broken if our community was charged with the authenticity birthed in vibrant Christian homes.
The statistic isn’t just talking about teenagers. It’s talking about young adults, too, right? Ages 20-29?
Why would someone in their mid to late twenties leave the church after years of faithful attendance?
When me and my spouse left the church (we are in our mid to late twenties), it was the hypocrisy of the Church and damage done by other Christians. It was the sin others committed against us, the wrongs that were never righted, hateful words spoken to us, and the blatant hypocrisy and poor leadership of the pastor in dealing with these things. We still believe in the God of the Bible and Jesus Christ. But we will never go to another church again because we have seen far too few Christians who actually think and act like Christ. The most outrageous part of it to us is that most of these people will never see that they are so unlike Christ. They will read comments like this and shake their heads at “those fake hypocritical Christians” but never look at themselves. Or worse, they will say there was something wrong with the person who was hurt, and not with the Church. They have no idea how much damage they do to God’s name and His universal Church.
To us our church was our home, and we have left wounded and hurt and angry and bitter. There was no real love, no compassion or understanding, no relationship or friendship.
What the previous comment says is so true: “It is when we compartmentalize our faith that children see our inconsistencies. It is when we require more from them than we do from ourselves that they see our hypocrisies. It is when we fail to repent of our sins against our children that they become discouraged and provoked. It is when we are not daily committed to the hard work of reconciliation in the home and in the Church that bitterness takes root.” This doesn’t just apply to our children. It applies to every Church member.
Dear Anonymous,
I am very sorry that your hearts were broken and that you are now without a home. It is so painful to be so deeply disappointed. There are Christians who “think and act like Christ” and His work in all of us who are truly His will be completed so that we become so more and more. The wounded often become the wise and those who can bring healing to others and timely correction to those who would wound. Bitterness aborts life and the tender hearts that you yourselves needed extended in compassion in your grief and pain. It hurts to remain vulnerable but self protection and bitterness destroy. I have prayed for your healing and the guidance that only Christ can give. Follow Him.
Thankyou Anonymous I agree 100% With you I believe the same stuff you believe but heres the deal me and my fiance left because of small talk at this building the Foothills we are in the same boat and I agree with you so much so I left the church god will condemn them anyways so find a new church like I did but I don’t even go anymore because it is pointless and a waste of time I meet Christians that are better inside me shoe than in that building I have been their 16 years and I hate it every inch so does my fiance any problems by anybody there meet me outside and we will talk alot of smack and it won’t be pretty but these guys are judgemental and rude so be careful about them
Chris:
I’m not sure why you would post such a negative response. Why would you say that God would condemn Foothills? The people here – including me, Jesse, John Morgan, Pat Smith, and many, many others – have been nothing but good to you. To say that you hate every inch of the church is sad and disappointing. If you’re going to get married, you need to be leading your fiance in positive thinking and activities. To be so negative about the church that has loved you and cared for you and your family all these years is not leading her well. Please rethink your position on this.
Mike