In the midst of our culture crying out to know what love is, a band called The 77′s recorded a song in 1990 called “This Is the Way Love Is.”  Whether they meant to or not, the song seems to serve as a response to the cry of the culture.  They compare the way we – as humans – often love to the way God loves us.  Take a read…then take a listen.  It’s a good one!

THIS IS THE WAY LOVE IS by The 77′s

When I gave up, you held up
When I ran out, you filled me up
When I kept runnin’, you kept up
When I let you down you lifted me up

This is the way love is

When I couldn’t find the words, you understood
When I didn’t find the time, you were in no hurry
When I wouldn’t make ends meet, you tied them together
When I cheated you kept to the rules
Well, this is the way love is

This is the way love is
When it’s a one-sided double-minded mirror with no reflection

When I was keepin’ it in, you were givin’ out
When I was losin’ out, you’d let me come back
When I was holdin’ back, you were holdin’ on
When I was losin’ my cool you were keepin’ your love warm
Well, this is the way love is

This is the way love is
When it’s a one-sided double-minded mirror with no reflection

When I kept it all to myself like a miser holds on to his last dime
When I closed up myself like a desperate hand on a lifeline
Well I was bled, I was dried, all wrapped up in my pride
This is the way it is when you’re on the wrong side
Well, this is the way love is

This is the way love is
When it’s a one-sided double-minded mirror with no reflection

When I gave up, you held up
When I ran out, you filled me up
When I kept runnin', you kept up
When I let you down you lifted me up

This is the way love is

When I couldn't find the words, you understood
When I didn't find the time, you were in no hurry
When I wouldn't make ends meet, you tied them together
When I cheated you kept to the rules

Well, this is the way love is
This is the way love is
When it's a one-sided double-minded mirror with no reflection

When I was keepin' it in, you were givin' out
When I was losin' out, you'd let me come back
When I was holdin' back, you were holdin' on
When I was losin' my cool you were keepin' your love warm

Well, this is the way love is
This is the way love is
When it's a one-sided double-minded mirror with no reflection

When I kept it all to myself like a miser holds on to his last dime
When I closed up myself like a desperate hand on a lifeline
Well I was bled, I was dried, all wrapped up in my pride
This is the way it is when you're on the wrong side

Well, this is the way love is
This is the way love is
When I gave up, you held up

When I ran out, you filled me up

When I kept runnin', you kept up

When I let you down you lifted me up

 

This is the way love is

 

When I couldn't find the words, you understood

When I didn't find the time, you were in no hurry

When I wouldn't make ends meet, you tied them together

When I cheated you kept to the rules

 

Well, this is the way love is

This is the way love is

When it's a one-sided double-minded mirror with no reflection

 

When I was keepin' it in, you were givin' out

When I was losin' out, you'd let me come back

When I was holdin' back, you were holdin' on

When I was losin' my cool you were keepin' your love warm

 

Well, this is the way love is

This is the way love is

When it's a one-sided double-minded mirror with no reflection

 

When I kept it all to myself like a miser holds on to his last dime

When I closed up myself like a desperate hand on a lifeline

Well I was bled, I was dried, all wrapped up in my pride

This is the way it is when you're on the wrong side

 

Well, this is the way love is

This is the way love is

When it's a one-sided double-minded mirror with no reflection

When it's a one-sided double-minded mirror with no reflection

The Bible cannot be any clearer: They who know the Lord are called to love the stranger who sojourns in our midst. Yes, they may be here illegally. Yes, they may be selfishly drawing down the public treasury by taking advantage of medical and educational facilities. And yes, they may be guilty of crimes and repeated incursions across our borders. None of these disqualifies them as objects of the love of the Christian community.

Whatever approach we might recommend to resolving the immigration crisis in America, therefore, must be seen to be motivated by and infused with love for those who sojourn in our midst, as well as for all parties in the debate. Rancor, blanket condemnations, stereotyping, or self-righteousness are completely out of the question. So also is taking the law into our own hands. The Christian community must not conclude, for example, that the “law of love” entitles us to disregard the laws of the land and make our churches or homes sanctuaries for those who are in this country in a manner contrary to those laws. Sometimes the loving thing to do is to work for change in the laws regulating immigration. While such change is possible through peaceable and legal means, this must be the Christian’s course.

Jacqulyn had been experiencing some severe pain in her back and thought she just needed the help of a chiropractor. However, the pain didn’t go away after several treatments.  It just increased.  Come to find out, the pain was caused by the cancer eating away at the bones in her lower back.  Her diagnosis was bleak.  Without treatment, the doctor told her she had 2-3 weeks to live.  With immediate and radical treatment, they offered her the possibility of a couple of years.  She and her husband, Daniel, decided to pursue the radical treatment in order to try to extend her life.

It was after the treatment began that I called her.  I didn’t know what to say, but I felt compelled (I’m pretty sure by the Lord) to offer to fly to Washington State where they now live to serve them and hopefully minister to them in the name of the Lord.  I wasn’t sure how they’d receive the offer, but to my surprise and gladness, they took me up on it!  6 days later, I was on a plane headed for East Wenatchee, Washington for a week of uncertain ministry.

While there, I do believe that the Lord used me to bring love, comfort, and peace to them, but in return, He taught me some valuable lessons that will be hard to forget.  Here are some of my initial thoughts about what the Lord taught me:

Bad things like cancer still trip up my faith.
I should know better – and I do – but knowing and feeling are sometimes distant relatives.  What I saw cancer doing to my beautiful friend, Jacqulyn, just broke my heart and made me feel a bit bewildered.  Cancer has absolutely redefined and redirected Jacqulyn and Daniel’s lives.  They moved to Washington to be closer to their kids and grandkids so that they could be active and involved in their lives, but because of the cancer, things are not going as they planned.  Jacqulyn is very sick and in a lot of pain.  Her ability to be active has been severely limited.  She wrestles with the uncertainty of the future and feels a great sense of loss for “what could have been.”  We talked often of God’s plans and purposes in our lives while I was there, and we took great comfort in His Word, but frankly, I still feel so much sadness and frustration that Jacqulyn has cancer.  Many are praying that she gets better and is able to be the active and involved wife, mother, and grandmother she had hoped to be.  Would you please join us?

The Word of God truly is alive and active.
Like I said, the three of us spent a lot of time in God’s Word together.  We started and ended each day with readings from Daily Light, and often it led to good discussions and meaningful times in prayer.  The Lord showed me firsthand how He uses His Word powerfully to bring hope, encouragement, and peace to those who needed it.  Our times in the Word were sweet, and the emotional and mental healing that the Lord brought to all of us was truly miraculous.  I was reminded again by the Lord that His Word is truly alive, active, and sharper than any double-edged sword.

The Church is alive and well – even in a small, remote farming town in Washington!
I’ve moved enough to know this, but it was such an encouragement to see this in play for my dear friends.  They were a part of my church family for many years until they moved last summer.  One of the hardest things for my church family is to know how much Daniel and Jacqulyn need right now…and to be 1800 miles away from them.  So, one of the things I was looking for when I got there was if the Christians in their town were taking care of them like we would here.  And to my great  joy and relief, I found them busy at work loving and caring for our dear friends.  Daniel and Jacqulyn have not even been there a full year, but there were meals coming in, couples coming over, and a group of women who took turns coming each morning to help Jacqulyn get up and get ready for the day.  It was beautiful!

If God calls you to do something, no matter how far-fetched or uncertain it seems…do it.
God has been teaching me more intensely over the past few years that He’s not kidding when He says that His ways are not my ways.  The things He calls upon me to do are not always things that make a whole lot of sense to me.  I was convinced that He wanted me to leave behind my family, fly four hours then drive for three more in order to spend a week with Daniel and Jacqulyn.  In my opinion, there are better people for the task.  People who really know how to cook, clean, and care.  I can sort-of do the first two (I did botch french toast while I was there), and I really want to do the third, but there are better people than me who are much closer to Daniel and Jacqulyn from my church who I thought God should tell to go before me.  But, I sensed that He was telling me to go, so I did.  And the way in which He used me there and blessed me all along the way was something I am so glad I didn’t miss.  Plus, I do recall that God put a guy in the belly of a whale for a few long, dark days for not going where He told him to go.  I try to remember that event often.  Anyway, this experience was yet another lesson for me in walking by faith and not by sight.

What is God calling you to do?

Being missional simply means joining with God in His redemptive mission.  We believe that God is at work all around the world among all the peoples of the world, and so we send workers (missionaries) out to demonstrate and proclaim the good news of Jesus among those people.  As a church, our global emphasis is strong, but what about our local missional emphasis?

Foothills Fellowship has focused our missional efforts over the years on North Africa, Japan, South Asia, and the Middle East (and we’ve even sent people from our church to these places to live), but if we’re not living in one of those places right now, then God has called us to live missional lives right here in Albuquerque.  (Or if you’re reading this from another location, then God has called you to live missionally right where you are!)

THAT’S local missional living, and frankly, we don’t do well at this as followers of Christ, do we?  If we did, our pastor’s sermons would be replaced often with stories of how the lives of our friends, co-workers, and neighbors were transformed by the saving power of Christ.  Our churches would be pulsating with worship because we would be marveling at the wonderful work of God through us.  Our baptismal waters would be flowing weekly, and our worship centers would be full of new believers hungering for discipleship.

But this really isn’t happening, is it?  I contend that it’s not because God is dead, or uninterested, or unloving, or uncaring; it’s because we’ve not fully caught the vision and calling that we all have to live missional lives right where we are.

In Matthew 22:36-39, Jesus said, You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.

When are we going to realize that – in God’s economy – loving, serving, and caring for our neighbors is right up there with loving Him?  In His mind, those two are inseparable. Loving God and loving others: it’s what we’ve been sent here to do!

So, in order to engage in local missional living, we must be people who daily join with the Lord in His redemptive mission, which is a way of life, not just another once-a-year act of kindness toward our neighbors.  It’s a way of living our lives where we are constantly radiating God’s redemptive plan to those around us, and as we do this as individuals, families, and churches, we’re trusting God for spiritual fruit like we’ve never seen before!

Hate the sin.  Love the sinner.

First of all, it makes the assumption that those who live like hell are the only people who should be labeled “sinner.”  But the last time I checked, the Scriptures say that ALL of us have sinned.  In God’s eyes, we’re all in the same boat.  All of us are sinners and all of us deserve hell.  Therefore, not only should those who live like hell be labeled “sinners,” but ALL of us should.  Christians who say, Hate the sin.  Love the sinner. come across as if they are a notch or two above the person they’re referring to when the say it, but this simply is not true.

Secondly, how does one actually hate something about a person while also showing them the kind of brotherly love the Scriptures instruct us to show to one another?  If I allow myself to hate something about someone, then it’s going to be very difficult (if not impossible) for me to show that person the kind of love that God requires of me.  We should never give ourselves license to hate anything about anyone, because if we do, that hate will eventually ruin our entire view of that person much like making cookies with dog-poop morsels instead of chocolate chips will ruin the entire cookie no matter how good the other ingredients are.

Lastly, the phrase Hate the sin.  Love the sinner. is not found in the Bible anywhere…nor is the essence of the phrase found there either.  It was originally coined by Mahatma Gandhi and printed in his 1929 autobiography, yet Christians toss it around as if it was from the lips of Jesus.  It wasn’t.

Jesus commands us to love one another; love our enemies, love those who persecute us, and forgive those who hurt us (not just once, but every single time).  Does this mean that if we know of a fellow believer who is involved in blatant, on-going sin that we should not say or do anything about it?  No.  That would be sin as well (Matthew 18:15-17).  Does this mean that we should not say or do anything about a non-believing friend or family member who is involved in blatant and on-going sin?  No.  But, no where in the Scriptures are we given license to allow hate to be a part of how we view other people.

The Scriptures tell us that the Lord hates sin and even hates those who practice wickedness and love violence (Psalm 5:5; 11:4-5).  He hates sin so much that in an incredible act of love, He sent His Son to die a brutal and devastating death to pay the penalty for those rotten people who practice wickedness (of whom you and I are included).  Therefore, we have no right to look at a fellow sinner and call him a “sinner” while not acknowledging that we are just as hard to love as he is.

I heard a comedian recently say that the phrase should be changed to Love the sinner.  Hate your own damn sin. While I think this is kind of funny and is probably a little closer to being biblically correct, I still have some problems with it.  Therefore, I propose that we just stick to the phrase that Jesus used.  Love one another. Period.  No exceptions.

16 years ago today, I married the most beautiful woman I had ever seen.  We met five years earlier at Taylor University.  It was the second day of school, and I was sitting in a classroom when she walked in.  From the moment I saw her, I couldn’t keep my eyes off of her.  We were each other’s first dates in college, and we ran in the same friend-circle for four years.

On June 26, 1993, Michelle Matheny became Michelle Potter…and Emily Matheny became Emily Potter: two for the price of one!  I am a blessed man, and I thank God for my beautiful bride of 16 years.

1. We’re in the process of creating a parents-only sanctuary in our home. Our home is pretty small for the amount of people (and dogs) living in it, and it’s hard to get away. So, Michelle and I are in the process of creating a “sanctuary” where we can get away. Currently, our bedroom has a TV equipped with a DVR for recording and watching our favorite shows at our leisure. In the coming months, we’re hoping to install the claw-foot tub that we drug here from Ohio. It needs to be refurbished, and our bedroom/bathroom combination needs some reconfiguring, but we think we have a plan. As we revealed our “sanctuary” plan to one of our teenage daughters, she replied, “If you do that, you guys will never come out!” Exactly.

2. We get out of the house regularly. This is something we’ve done since the kids were very little. When they were unable to care for themselves, we spent quite a bit of money each month on babysitters. And when Emily became old enough to watch the kids herself, we made it known to her that staying home with them while we went out on a consistent basis was her God-given reason for being born. She bought it for a while, but as she got older, she got smarter! Michelle and I have always made time for one another, and one of the main ways we’ve done this is by taking walks together. When the kids we’re younger, we would take them to a park to play. While they played, Michelle and I would walk laps around the park keeping them in our sight at all times. Now, we leave home nearly every day for a 35 minute walk. This is the time when we debrief our day, talk parenting strategy, or even stop on a street corner to kiss. Walking together is healthy, free, and even romantic sometimes.

3. We work hard to maintain the top position in the home. Those of you who have teenagers know that this can be a difficult thing to do. Teens can be assuming, demanding, and full of entitlement. If parents aren’t careful, their teenagers can overtake the control of the house! Michelle and I love our teens dearly, but we often let them know their place (below us!). We do this sometimes by verbally reminding them that we’re the parents, and they’re the kids. But we often do it non-verbally by not allowing them to have full run of the house. For example, we still require that our younger teens get to bed at a decent time; our older teens can stay up as late as they need to, but they have to be quiet and courteous to those who are smart enough to go to bed before 2AM! We also require our teens to all pitch-in with the work wound the house. Our kids know that Saturday is “chore day,” and they know that they’re not allowed to do anything “fun” until their chores are done. Although the younger teens tend to still complain about this sometimes, the older ones work diligently, understanding that this is part of being a kid in the Potter home. Maintaining the top position in the home is essential for any couple who desires to survive the powerful onslaught of budding adults in their home.

4. We eat together as a family as much as we can. This is getting harder and harder to do. Michelle and I both work, Emily and Jasmine have after-school jobs, and Taylor plays sports almost year round, but all six of us do manage to sit around the same table at the same time for a meal probably 2-3 times per week. And because our family meal times can sometimes turn into family fight time, we are trying to instill an exercise we heard about from some family friends. Each family member must share what was the best and worst part of their day. No one is allowed to interrupt the one speaking, and no negative talk about another family member is tolerated. I think the older teens think this is a bit goofy, but the conversation sure ends up being better than what it could be and has been in the past. Even though getting all four of our teens together in the same room is often loud, crazy, and obnoxious, connecting face-to-face as a family on a regular basis is a very high priority for me and Michelle.

5. We pray. A lot. Michelle and I have been and continue to pray for our kids. Sometimes we do it together, but most of the time, we find ourselves crying out to the Lord in the quiet of our hearts on behalf of our kids. Raising kids is not a science full of proven “if/then” scenarios. It’s an art, and it requires constant thinking, rethinking, and evaluation. Even though I’ve been in ministry for 15 years, and even though much of that ministry has been to teens and their parents, I find myself often at a loss for what to do or what to say regarding my own teens. With four teens in the house, Michelle and I find that we are more dependent upon the Lord now than we’ve ever been before. Even though God has entrusted these kids to us, we’re fully aware that it is Him who is ultimately in charge of drawing them to Himself and changing their hearts. We just hope and pray that our mistakes and failures don’t hinder the work He’s doing in them.

This is an exciting time in our home, but it’s also an exhausting time as well. Statistics show that disagreements and stress about money, sex, and children are the top three causes of divorce in American homes today. Teens cost a lot, so I’m not sure how to solve the money stress right now, and this is probably not the forum to discuss our sex life, but I do know that as Michelle and I strive to do the five things mentioned above, we are surviving, our marriage is growing, and we are discovering peace and enjoyment amidst the chaos of the teenage storm!

I’m not so much talking about the asleep, mad, uninterested, and unenthusiastic part…although you should see the view from the front that I have on Sunday mornings! What actually bothers me about the behavior of our congressional leaders is their lack of unity at this event. Standing ovations (or any ovations at all) are totally dependent upon which party the President represents. Last night, the Democrats were up on their feet several times, and the Republicans sat there like a bunch of grumpy old men (with some grumpy old women sprinkled in). What happens in that room each year represents the political divide in our country, and it reminds me of the lack of unity present in our churches today.

From the Psalms to the Epistles, the Bible makes it clear that followers of Christ are to live in unity:

Psalm 133:1-3
Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity! For there the Lord has commanded the blessing, life forevermore.

Romans 15:5-6
Live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Could it be any clearer? Regardless of our differences, we are to live in harmony with one another. Period. That means that our personality differences, our economic differences, our racial differences, and even our doctrinal differences are to be trumped by our love for one another. There is absolutely no biblically justifiable reason why we should not love one another.

Let us heed the warning our congressional leaders inadvertently sent us on Tuesday night by their juvenile and foolish behavior. May we – the church – stop acting like them and start loving one another regardless of our differences.

My brother-in-law (Michelle’s brother, Michael) is set this week to donate one of his kidneys to his father-in-law (his wife’s dad, Howie). Howie has already received a donated kidney several years ago, but it’s been slowly failing over the past couple of years. If he doesn’t receive a healthy kidney soon, he will die. Howie’s two children were tested to see if they were a match. His son is not, and his daughter (Michael’s wife, Heidi) is, but she had some complications during her latest pregnancy that eliminated her from being a donor. On a whim, Michael decided to get tested, and amazingly, it was discovered that he’s a match.

I don’t know the process that Michael went through internally that led to his decision to offer his kidney to Howie, but I’m sure it was a struggle. Last night, Michelle and I talked about who we would be willing to give a kidney to, and both of us decided that it was a no-brainer that we would be willing to give one to one another or to one of our children. However, we both let out a nervous laugh when we considered the prospect of giving a kidney to one of our in-laws! We love our in-laws, but we both decided that it would be a tough decision on whether or not to give a kidney to one of them. Simply put, the fact that Michael is willing to go through the excruciating pain and is willing to deal with the on-going health risks of living with one kidney is pretty amazing.

Michael has been following Christ for about three years, so I’m sure that his relationship with the Lord factored in to his decision. I wonder if I would be willing to obey the Lord if He asked me to give a kidney to my father-in-law. I would certainly hope so, but I can honestly say that it would be a hard decision to make.

The transplant was supposed to take place today, but the doctors have decided to postpone it until tomorrow or Thursday. On Saturday, I’m flying out to Connecticut to be with Michael, Heidi, and their three kids. I figure if Michael can sacrifice a kidney, I can sacrifice a week of my time to serve his family while he’s recovering.

Please pray for Michael and Howie. Pray for a safe transplant to take place, and pray that both men will recover without complications. The donor usually has a rougher road to recovery, so please pray especially for Michael. Also, pray for me, that I would be a blessing and a true help to Michael’s family while I’m there.

Check back often over the next two weeks as I hope to share more about this incredible act of generosity and sacrifice.

We are a common people, each of us a fallen man
Let’s find that common ground and stop drawing lines in the sand

We are a common people, living in a common life
There are ties that bind us all when we look beyond the lines
Common people, you and I

Can’t we tear the fences down
Can’t we rip the labels off
Can we share the common ground
Instead of judging what is not

Can’t we love instead of hate
Can’t we trust instead of fear
Can we stop fighting for a moment
And feel our common tears

Is it us against them, wrong against right,
black against white, my kind your kind
There comes a time to put the argument down
and have a party on the common ground

I see a blind man on the street
He doesn’t know what I look like
So he can’t judge the man I am
Except by what he sees inside

I see a child on the street
He doesn’t know the mistakes I made
I know he takes me where I am
He sees a friend not a crusade

Lord help me live like this
Lord help me love like this

I see a brother on the other side
Of my crusade, my holy fight
I think I know where I went wrong
When I gave up love to be proved right

I saw a man die on a cross
He forgot the mistakes I made
He died for me the way I was
and He wants me to love the same

Lord help me live like this
Lord help me love like this